Tuesday, March 13, 2012

the rules....

so I had a friend ask me today why I had one of my rules, and it was interesting to look back and see that rule and how it came about and how much it actually helped me, along with some of my other rules I have. maybe some of you think they may be unreasonable, (I'm not sure) but they really aren't. I remember when I threw a fit about this particular rule coming about.  there was a method to his madness the whole time because a lot of the rules are more of a lifestyle now, and have helped me mature into who I need to be. I'm so gladd she asked because it opened my eyes to  new level of understanding the method t his madness. like, he phone thing is 2nd nature now..and I threw a fit about that in the beginning.and oh the micorwave, I have learned how to cook a lot more without the convience of a micorwave, and trting to grow a gratitude for his nonsense rules, that made me angry at first, but the more nd more I open my eyes, I come to realize that none of these things aare harmful and they all benefit me and help me grow as a wife and as a mother. So I just thought I would take the time to thank that dear friend of mine to opening my eyes about something. Today, when he told me No, I actually did not argue, reason, justify, do it anyway or anything else, I made the ecision to give him respect by simply saying okay. it was a great feeling too, becaus I trusted him to make that decision.

who I want to be...

I am trying to learn how to be who God wants me to be and who I am, I want to be a real woman to all around me, regardless of marital status, I want be Gentle,Warm, and receptive, I want to spread Grace to those whose lives I am able to touch, and I want to affirm others with tenderness and sensitivity, I want to be vunerable and courageous at the same time,a nuturer, and I want to devote my life to the glory of God, I do not want to lose tody playing out the fantasies for tomorrow. I do not want to be one who perceives myself with the have-nots, I want to accept the maternal challenge to counsel, support, and encourage those around me. I want to teach children love,joy,peace,trust,respect,loyalty,faithfulness,obedience, and honesty, there is no higher calling than this in MY eyes..maybe not Gods, am unsure..but as I read "fearlessly feminine". feel more and more conviction to fearlessly surrender to the call of wife and mother.I want to be woman enough to yield to the poweful calling of motherhood. I know I can trust God to lead me forward. I know he is a "God who sees me". (Gen. 6:13) I can trust him to lead me forward, as well as I trust him to lead my husband forward as well, that the three of us walk together.  I realize that to be who I need to be, I need to be what the bible says , a Titus e:35 woman and a Proverbs 31 woman, which is something I could go on about forever, elaborating about Ruth and how she clung to Naomi, motivated by love and a desire to bless, protect and care for her mother in law. she refused to take the easier route to Moab but journeyed to Israel where she faced a hostile culture and tried t be graceful. a virtous wwoman knows her value exists in her relationship with God, not the praise of others, I want to be a woman of chracter, but think will nneed to continue in another post.

Monday, March 12, 2012

day of my reckoning

I think that is a good way to put it. I have been healing, thankfully to BJs help, for that man has been waiting on me for the last two weeks, and dealing with my stubborn attitude of, cacan do what I want, even if I did just have surgery. I'm a "tough"woman, but we learned so much through this. I learned how to lean on him more, and how to ask for help, and well, not so sure what he learned other than how to be firm with me bc I can be quite persistent when want something bad enough. Well, apparently, I was trying to take over everything the last few weeks also. last night, I was mouthing off, well I feel better so can do that! (Not) he noticed I feel better and gave me just a few swats with the lightweightpaddle, and then madde me stand in the corner and then its off to bed you go missy, and put the phone and books away too...ugh! pure torture! so then  talked his ear off until he swatted me with his hand telling me  to hush it up! now some of you DD women seem to want too have this and it causes respect and all that other stuff. well, I want to kick, scream, huff,puff and throw a tantrum of a fit!!  and I began too and I suppose he seen that coming since he said if you fight me, I will paddle you and stand you in the corner, so I thought twice, wrapped my arms around him, and closed my eyes and said goodnight. well, today came, and trash was piling up, his job, not mine, and he does not like if I try to help, but he will let it pile up frever, and e just had an argument about the trash the other day, so I mention it and say trash is full, well right before he goes to work, its piled up good now, so just go over there and take matter into my own hands, well first there was a swat on my bottom, then next thing I know, he says go get the paddle and I am like I did not do anything, and he says you are trying to take control over this house and have had it, well yeah yeah, so what? well, he paddled and know wht to thnk, he paddled until was good and in tears and even realize was crying. feel better now, much better. uess  just knew after 2 or 3 wks of that build up, just needed oe.

Sunday, March 11, 2012


okay I seriously need a laptop! I wish I could keep up with this blog better,but it is so hard
 when I am doing it all from mobile, and oh yah, half the time can't
 remember the password or the posts come out all funny looking.
So irritating! I'm not really a perfectionist, far from it, so I want to do
 something once and  thats it.  so I apologize if my blog is a slow-goini
I hope for that too change soon. As I read more and more blogs, its vry
Inspirational and it causes me to wonder if my waitress at a resturant
Has been recently spanked by her husband latley, or if the lady
 i look up too at church also has had a recent spanking from her husband.
 I haven't recently had any spankings myself, but mainly because well
I am recovering from surgery. not because I have not needed one.
I have discovered one thing, he is much better at matching my clothes
 than I am! and he is definetly an ephesians 5 man as he sacrificalllly
 was at my beckon call for the last week as if I was a needy two year old.
Poor guy! As much as I want to test the boundaries, its probably
Best if I don't..I kinda already got myself in a bit of trouble and had some time
To reflect and rethink that position..so..everythings good and today gonna be
Lazy and hope to try and write more on here.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Fearlessly Feminine

I am reading a book right now. "Fearlessly Feminine" by Jani
 Ortland and it is a great book. I highly reccomend this book
To any woman. The chapter I am in is Courageously Cherishing our Children
But there are other chps also. fearlessly single, fearless wife, domestic
Allow me to share a few of the notes I have taken.
1 Tim 6:11-12
Flee- from the love of money
Pursue- set our hearts upon  upright conduct
Righteousness- to care more about doing right than acquring
Godliness+ showing what God is like to those around us
Faith- an ever deepenin trust in our Heavenly Father rather than our
Love- striving to live out 1 Cor 13 Endurance- becoming women enough to cheerfully tough out
Gentleness- leaving no room for a strident, competitive, defensive spir
 this gives me a foundation to continue. I will have to do another post to continue.


Friday, January 20, 2012

my rules..explained

a lot of ouur rules have been made by both of us. A lot of what we have on the rules, are things  already do, but they are explained here by "rules". Its the way we live, but we decided together to put them in the rules.

I'm on a journey of spiritual awakening, and it is really great.

I'll start to write more lter

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Punished and Humbled

I had temper tantrum the other night and I dnt want to get into all the details, but last night, I got punished. First, BJ used the paddle with holes and took me for an old fashioned over the knee trip, and paddled me several times, drawing it out in time, the longer it is has more impact on me than how hard it is, after that, he led me to the corner. I don't know how long, 5 minutes I think on my tippytoes, standing oon my tiptoes makes the burning in my bottom more intense. Then, he called me back over to him, I felt very humbled. This time, he had a different paddle, it is a thicker one with no holes. They both hurt with different kinds of hurt. He lectured me between the swats,  with the thicker paddle, he left my pajama bottoms on, but with the thinner one, I was bare-bottomed. after he was finiished, he helped me up, and I was in between his knees, on my knees, looking him in the eyes (not typical) he lectured me  few minutes and pulled me back over his knee for a few more swats. Then, he rubbed my back ad talked to me. He then pulled me back upp, holding me and making me feel safe and secure. Then, we prayed and worshipped for an hour, and then we went to bed and fell fast asleep, feeling very peaceful and relaxed.